Do you often feel compelled to take care of others, even at the expense of your own happiness? You might be an Empath.
An empath is someone with a unique spiritual superpower, also known as the “savior syndrome.” This innate tendency to play the hero is ingrained from childhood, where empaths often took emotional care of their parents, setting the stage for a lifelong pattern of putting others’ needs ahead of their own.
The Empath Dilemma
If you’ve ever felt like it was YOUR responsibility to save others from their own anxiety or fears, you definitely have some unbalanced empathetic tendencies.
Girlfriend, I get you! I use to be the SAME exact way.
Keep reading as we’ll be exploring how to stop the habit of over helping and only give from your overflow!
Unveiling the Traits of an Empath
Empaths navigate the world with heightened emotional sensitivity, absorbing the energies of those around them. You may be especially sensitive to people who remind you of your emotionally needy parent or a caretaker you had growing up.
These new people may look completely different but they hold similar wounds and ways of reacting that bring out your compulsion to rescue.
This extraordinary gift of sensitivity can lead to
- emotional exhaustion
- chronic stress
- anxiety
- depression
- unhealthy coping mechanisms
Unhealthy Coping Mechanism
You’ve got to become clear on where your precious life-force energy is being spent. If not, you will need to pay off this energy deficit somehow. Sadly, it can lead us into unhealthy patterns that seek to control, escape, or restore our sense of self. When we’re feeling depleted, it’s really easy to default into compulsive behavior such as;
- substance abuse
- workaholism
- eating disorders
- escapism
Being extra sensitive doesn’t have to be a weakness or a liability in your life. When harnessed correctly, with respect and honor, it serves as a powerful tool of transformation for yourself and others.
The key lies in recognizing your heightened ability to sense emotions and managing it effectively. Because love…you are not here to rescue others from their own issues!
No more grabbing tissues for their issues.
If you’ve been trying to save others your whole life, it may feel selfish at first to allow others to save themselves. It might feel like you are abandoning others but you are not.
The Challenge of Blurred Energetic Boundaries
The empathic connection often blurs the lines between one’s energy field and that of others, resulting in a fusion of emotions. Quite literally, your nervous system begins to vibrate and shake, as you take on the strong energies that begin tuning to your inner wounds.
I know, this sounds strange, but when we have unhealed energetic wounds, it actually seeks to heal itself by tuning to situations that bring it up to the surface. If you catch yourself in these moments, notice how jittery you become, it provides an opportunity to heal and ascend out of the pattern.
My journey was a landmine of energetic wounds at one point. My life was in chaos and stress a lot of the time. That is, until I stumbled upon this knowledge. Once I understood my inner wounding and triggers, I became grateful for them, as difficult as they are…because it was my body trying desperately to feel it and heal it.
And I must add, once you fully feel it, the trigger either dissolves entirely or becomes far less active.
So…why have energetic boundaries? Are you a bad person if you don’t rescue those who are clearly suffering emotionally?
Well, honey, that’s again a beautiful instinct BUT without healthy energetic boundaries, your need to save others does not benefit you or them.
Let me give you an example from my own life…
An Empath is Born – My Real Life Example
Growing up, my father was emotionally fragile. He lacked the skills to regulate his own emotions, which meant our house was filled with his screaming and regular mental breakdowns. God, I just wanted to hide.
To be completely raw with you, I actually wished him dead a few times. But nonetheless, he was my dad.
I loved my dad, I feared my dad, so what’s a girl to do? Over many years, I began prioritizing his needs above my own. In order to keep the peace, I started to act and respond in ways that would not upset him. Slowly, my emotions became unimportant. It really did hurt.
Not being nurtured or understood by my own father tormented me.
It set me up for a long pattern of pretending my emotions were unnecessary and something to be dealt with alone. Which, I did not do well…I had no healthy role models. By the time my 20’s arrived, I was overeating, then restricting my food to cope with all of my painful feelings and whatever self-esteem I did have, plummeted.
Please learn from my past, and give yourself permission to prioritize your needs and honor all the emotions you have starting now.
All this to say, without healthy energetic boundaries, empaths may find themselves shouldering burdens that don’t belong to them, driven by an overwhelming compulsion to fix and rescue the other person. Essentially abandoning yourself in the process. This dynamic is always destructive, leaving empaths riddled with anxiety and feeling broken inside.
You are NOT broken, my love. Just a little deprived of love and nurturance.
The Importance of Setting Energetic Limits as An Empath
Acknowledging the spiritual gift of empathy is crucial for personal well-being. Empaths must learn to direct their energy wisely, setting limits on what they take on from others. I’m all for being empathetic but only when it’s balanced with inner strength. The first step is learning to say no, a challenging task for many empaths who fear judgment and tend to over-commit themselves to others.
The second step is creating some emotional distance when someone else is having a mood swing. Yes, you can be there when necessary but keep in mind that their emotions are sacred messages for them to process and learn from (those messages were not sent to your nervous system!).
You’ve got your own emotions to tend to and healthfully process.
Let Others Heal
When we jump in and try to talk someone out of how they feel or overly extend ourselves, we’re actually dis-empowering them. Our actions are unconsciously communicating to them that their emotions are something to be fixed, and by jumping in, we’re not allowing them the spiritual lesson that is meant for them to grow through.
I care about my readers and that’s why I’m encouraging you to take a bigger step back than you’re used to when the urge to fix someones problems pops up.
Empaths sometimes need to OVER-CORRECT in order to find their healthy balance of empathy and self-preservation. You’re probably use to caring TOO much and for some time, it’s okay to deliberately back away when someone starts depending on you for their emotional regulation.
Do what you need to do to exit the conversation or situation with grace and dignity. If the person seems bothered by this, it may be necessary to firmly excuse yourself from their presence.
Honoring Your Own Needs
Empaths can break the cycle of people-pleasing and exhaustion by honoring their own needs. Saying no and prioritizing self-care not only benefits the empath but also serves as a positive example for others.
YUP – actually you are doing people a SERVICE when you model to them healthy emotional regulation and an empowered position of emotional strength. Unconsciously they will learn that it is possible to emotionally process their own feelings as well.
The longer we cater to their victim consciousness, the longer they remain in it!
By taking care of themselves, empaths demonstrate the power of self-love, encouraging those around them to do the same. If you still feel like empathy is a driving force in your life (as it is in mine!), you may want to consider getting into the field of healing arts as a profession. Maybe you already are!
BUT even in that case, therapists and healing practitioners, have to consciously practice boundaries with clients and learn the tools that keep everyone emotionally safe.
Professional Empaths
As an energy healer and spiritual life coach, I absolutely love helping women process their suppressed emotions. It’s a joy to see them flourish in unimaginable ways. In order to do that, there has to be a healthy energy exchange that values my contribution. This can look like an exchange in money, traded services, or meaningful experiences.
We must, as professional empaths, be valued for the loving space we hold. That space is sacred. You deserve to be compensated for your life-changing empathy gift.
self-care for empaths
But let’s get back to the point about self-care…
Self-care may be a new concept for self-proclaimed empaths. Sometimes, they just need fresh inspiration for how to love themselves. If that’s you, I’ve got your back! Download my favorite 72 Self-Care Ideas!
Balancing Act: Empaths Serving from Abundance
Balancing energy is crucial for empaths, especially as they often gravitate towards careers and missions involving personal support, guidance, and healing. Gosh, this was a huge karmic learning lesson for me when initially studying to become a therapist and serving as a professional health coach.
Do you regularly take on the roles of caretaker, counselor, coach, mentor, and wise teacher? It may be pointing to your empath nature with a proclivity to play the “Savior” role.
You’re amazing at what you do because it comes from the purest place in your heart, your heart chakra. . This chakra connects directly to your life purpose, and if you’re reading this, you’re clearly here to serve and support others in a powerful way.
If you want to read more about the heart chakra, my blog post here will help!
I get it, my whole life revolved around supporting others emotional, mental, and spiritual well-being to the point of major burn-out!
That’s not what I want for you. Learn my karmic lesson and move forward with grace, energy, and power instead. To serve from a place of abundance rather than lack, empaths must consciously decide to meet others’ needs while maintaining their own emotional health.
When someone resists their own healing or rejects your wisdom, send them a silent blessing and move forward. You’ve done all you can and you’ve reached your empathetic limit.
Empaths Finding Balance through Recharge
Regularly recharging and retreating inward is essential for empaths. Meditation is a powerful tool, but various creative arts, relaxation activities, and personal preferences such as journaling, painting, or exercise can also help restore balance. The goal is to reclaim personal energy so that there is more to give to others without sacrificing one’s well-being.
True energy restoration involves shifting into the parasympathetic response. This is when both the body AND mind are calm. Meaning that you can be laying down on the couch and scrolling through social media and NOT be in true energy restoration.
Even when the body rests, stressful comparisons or troubling news headlines trigger the mind and prevent the parasympathetic system from activating.
So, create energetic boundaries even with yourself, and avoid giving your mind drama to feed off. You don’t need to engage with anything that brings you fear or painful feelings when you’re intentionally recharging your energetic field and body.
Conclusion: Reclaiming Your Energy
The journey of self-discovery for you involves acknowledging your unique gift, setting boundaries, and finding balance. The suggestions and examples from my own life are provided to serve as effective ways to reclaim personal energy, fostering a healthier and more fulfilling life.
As you practice these, you will find it easier and easier to work, live, and socialize with others. You’ll clearly begin to sense when an energy is yours and when it is theirs. Continue to experience the beautiful story of your life as they continue to live theirs.
Remember that every soul chose to live, even if we don’t understand why. Every soul has unique life lessons to learn, even if we don’t understand why. Everyone is a sum total of all their own unique energetic past (stemming beyond this current life and reaching into their original root life). They now see all the choices they’ve made reflected back to them.
This is true for you, too. As you embark on this journey, know that you are not alone. My hope is that this blog inspires you to honor yourself fully.
Sending love and blessings your way,
-Xo, Laura
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